


Good Intel

by NightingaleLost



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: FB!Lalna, Flux Buddies, Gen, MP!Lalna, Magic Police
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:38:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3246542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightingaleLost/pseuds/NightingaleLost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An anonymous tip leads one half of the Magic Police to investigate further into the witch called Nano and her (escaped) Lalna copy, but he's not at all prepared to go up against the fluxxy apprentice herself...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not So Anonymous Tip

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hwasang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwasang/gifts).



> This was inspired by an absolutely adorable fanart piece by Hwasang, which is [here](http://hwasang.tumblr.com/post/109146738942/not-the-worst-revelation-to-have-tbh-i-would) and you all should very much see it if you haven't yet UoU
> 
> This work is finished, but I decided to break it up for easier reads. :)

_*At Magic Police Headquarters_ *

\----

"Alright we need to do something about those 'flux buddies', _now_."

Lalna looked up to the cloudy sky from his spell book as Sjin flew up and over the roof of their headquarters, hopping off his air sled with practiced ease. He fixed Lalna with a business-only scowl as he affixed the small artifact to the belt at his waist; the blond just looked back at his book lazily.

"Didn't we already do something about those two, though? We caught that imposter. The look alike me. The witch cant really do much without him can she? She didn't look all that smart."

"Not anymore."

Lalna paused, closing the spell book. " What d'you mean not anymore? He's in Asskabang."

Sjin rubbed his forehead with two fingers; a loud groan rose up from the back of his throat as he shook his head. "Exactly what I said, he's not there. I just checked. They're left some kind of statue up there instead of him, could barely tell those two apart. But yes, he has flown the coop, as they say."

"WHAT?" Lalna almost lost his grip on his book as he turned to stare out in the direction of Asskabang. it was too far to see from here, but he could still picture the smooth obsidian walls, rising tall from the choppy waves of the ocean, and more importantly, the supposedly _impenetrable_ bedrock cell held in stasis at the very center. "He's...he, but that was bedrock! In the middle of the ocean!"

"Yeah well, he's out." His partner shuddered a little. "That Nano witch probably helped him escape."

Lalna stared at him, gapemouthed, but Sjin was already all business again, smoothing down the ends of his mustache. "Speaking of which, that's why we need to move quickly. There's trouble afoot."

Lalna resisted the urge to give him the Lassie spiel, instead saying, "What sort of trouble?"

"That witch is getting too dangerous. Forget fake you, this time it's her we need to go after, and well, I don't really know what we can do to her if she can break out of Asskabang, but we've got to have something a heck of a lot worse."

Lalna waited for an explanation, but Sjin only looked at him expectantly as if he'd already thought of a plan. He rolled his eyes.

" _Why_ do we have to act? We captured one of them already, surely that'll keep 'em laying low for a while. We can go and pick them up whenever." He frowned. "It is pretty nuts though to think she can crack open bedrock."

He made as if to go back to preparing his spells when Sjin ripped the book from his grasp, flinging it over the roof's edge.

"Hey!!"

"Lalna, this is serious! I got an anonymous tip, that says she's going to summon Death!" Sjin reached over to shake the front of his robes viciously--barely moving Lalna at all. " _Death_ , Lalna!"

He pulled away from the grasping hands. "Uh I guess that _is_ pretty bad. Won't Death just kill you if you summon him?" He shrugged. "We don't have much to worry about if that's true."

He wasn't entirely sure if the look on Sjin's face was meant to tell him he was an idiot, or if he was struggling with some particularly vicious intestinal issues.

"Yes there's a good chance she'll just get killed summoning up this thing, but if she _doesn't_ , and she steals his stuff, then _she'll_ have ALL the powers of _Death_."

"Oh."

Sjin threw up his hands. "Yes, _oh_. We need to act now!"

Lalna pursed his lips, rubbing his chin for a moment. "Right, okay, so whats the plan then?"

"..." Sjin opened his mouth, only to shut it. "Well she should definitely be arrested."

"Definitely."

"I just don't know how we're going to be able to keep her in prison." He began to pace. "If she can break out of bedrock...and of course they have to already know where Asskabang is, so the other you would just come and help her out..."

Lalna frowned. "So, we have to make sure we get them both. At the same time?"

His partner tugged on his hood, still walking in circles."But _how_...? Oh this is a pickle. They're sure to have some tricks up their sleeves now."

There was a silence as they both thought it over and Sjin continued his pacing. Above them the overcast clouds gathered and the sky darkened, giving off a few distant rumbles. Sjin stilled as a few drops came down on their heads, flipping up his mage's hood.

"Right, well, let's get inside, and we can think up of how we're going to work this out."

Lalna nodded, heading toward the ladder down, before he remembered suddenly in horror. "My book!"

He was air sledding down off the roof before he heard Sjin's giggles at him.

* * *

They pondered over it for the rest of the night, but Lalna was deep in the mines the next afternoon before Sjin had any legitimate ideas. His communicator beeped in his robes and he tried to hurriedly brush the dirt off the tops of his hands onto his robes before he pulled out the device.

The little flashing message only read: ' _Come up, I've got a plan._ '

Lalna teleported back with his home spell, ignoring the familiar faint Harry Potter door chime as he walked into headquarters. Sjin was already there, peering over one of their maps of the surrounding areas.

"Alright Sjin, what's the plan? How're we doing this?"

His partner _shh_ -ed him almost immediately, muttering to himself, and Lalna huffed indignantly. Of course, as if he could get an answer so easily. But he waited and soon enough Sjin pulled back, waving him over.

"Oh Lalna! Come on, why're you lurking over there?" He pointed to the nearest map on the table in front of them. "I've talking it over with our, uh... _sources_ , and they say they've got some pretty solid defenses now around their place, force fields and the like, but it's not up very often, so we won't have too much trouble getting inside."

Lalna pursed his lips. "I thought you said the tip was anonymous. Who is this source?"

Sjin looked a little pink behind the mustache. "I, well. It's, you know, someone we both know."

"Sjin."

His partner muttered something under their breath, but Lalna could still make out the very distinctive "...hat trio over by the hills...."

" _Hat Films??_ " Lalna made a face. "Sjin, they're conmen! You can't trust anything they say, didn't you hear what they did to Honeydew?"

"It was good intel!" Sjin fiddled with the point of his beard anxiously. "The other you really had broken out, and well who knows how long we'd have gone on before we found out about it? At least now we know we can come in and spy on them to find out their weak spots."

Lalna crossed his arms. "Well if the Sirs are being so damned generous why can't they just tell us about any weak spots they already know about?"

This time Sjin really did flush dark. "The, information doesn't always, um, come free you see, and well. It was getting a bit...costly."

The blond narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "It wasn't a tip was it."

"Um, no. Not really."

Lalna waited, tapping the point of one foot as he waited for Sjin to 'fess up. Sure enough, his partner didn't make him wait too long.

"Alright alright, I found them while I was out yesterday, and they told me they'd give me some intel on the so called flux buddies if I traded a few spells for it." Sjin looked down. "It was only one or two..."

"Hm." He could only hope he hadn't given those three anything really _dangerous_ , although knowing Sjin, they were probably running around blinding and setting aflame a whole bunch of innocent animals already out there. This did give them an excuse to arrest Hat Films later on if they were wielding dangerous magical spells, and that way be rid of _two_ mischievous groups. "Right...okay, so we're not getting anything else out of them then. How're we finding out these weak spots of theirs? Do you wanna take her? And I'll take the other me?"

Sjin paled. "God no, I'm not going near her with a ten foot pole, she was out for me Lalna, remember?? She's vicious!" He shook his head. "No no, see what we'll have to do is, you go and spy on them for a little while, and then you can report back at the end of the day."

" _Me?!_ Why just me!"

His partner patted him soothingly. "Don't worry about it. They already know me by face, so obviously I can't go or they'll catch me right out. But if Nano sees you, she'll just think you're the copycat that lives with her. And the other you would probably be really confused and you can get away really easy."

Lalna scowled. "This seems remarkably in your favor."

"Just coincidence, hm?" Sjin turned back to his maps. "Alright so, here they are, and I think you'll have to come by way of the forest. They'll see you flying over the mountains, or the plains, but the trees can give you some cover."

"...I still don't like just me being the one out there...what if she turns me into a toad or something?" Lalna grumbled as he came over to look at the maps.

"Oh come on you big baby, I'll just turn you back." Sjin pointed to a spot in the auburn forest. "Ok you can fly up to here, but you have to walk the rest of the way so they don't see you coming."

Lalna groaned at the prospect of having to walk such a distance. He was a _mage_ for God's sake. An officer of the law, he shouldn't have to walk around like some kinda scrub. Sjin shushed him again. "After you get close you can just make a waystone for it and then you can teleport between here and there easily, alright?"

"Alright," he muttered lowly. This was a terrible plan.

"Ok, we'll start tomorrow then, yeah? Better get some shut eye so we're all rested up for it."

Lalna threw him the stink eye as he slouched off in the direction of bed. Rested up, his ass, Sjin was going to be sitting here dry and cushy while he was out doing all the field work. This was the _absolute worst_ plan.


	2. An Unexpected Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Officer Lalna finally makes his way over to the Flux Buddies' base, but things aren't quite as...eventful, as he expected.

Lalna kicked a few dead leaves, muttering obscenities under his breath. The early morning air was chilly, and he sorely wished his mage's robes could have been a bit thicker. Or at least water proof. His hem was filthy from dirt and the morning dew's dampness, and if he had to trip over _one more hidden hole_...

He'd been all for setting off in the afternoon, when people were actually awake and doing things, but Sjin was adamant he set off at the crack of dawn. Witches loved to get up early and curse poor unsuspecting  sleepers, Sjin swore. Lalna kicked some more leaves out of his way, carefully picking his way around the many tree roots. Ahead he could see the twin smokestacks  peeking out of the forest canopy, even now still throwing up their flames and smoke. Lalna had the suspicious thought that they were only meant for intimidation and decoration purposes, than actual indicators of machinery working inside the red building.

He got as close as he thought he could without risking any sort of detection by means magical or technological and set the waystone to the coordinates, moving extra slowly from there. Everything was wet and mushy so nothing crackled under his feet, but he could still feel his heart pound a little  harder in his chest as he got close to their base.

Last time he had been here with Sjin...teasing Nano the witch had been fun at first, shooting her with her own bubble gun, but things had gotten out of hand so quickly after that. He felt a quiver at remembering that big bazooka barrel pointed at his face. He didn't want a repeat of that.

The land around him was quiet though, and he reached the tree line uneventfully. Peering around a large maple tree, he watched carefully for any signs of activity, but again, nothing happened.

Lalna waited a minute, taking a look around before deciding to risk a bit of flight; he took out his air sled and flew up above the tree tops. Nothing stirred except the animals roaming around Nano's little shack behind the red lab. Flying even higher, he approached the topmost windows, peering in.

Sure enough, it was their bedroom. He saw the long white couch, the bookshelves and statues, and...ah yes it seemed his double really was out, laying on his side under the covers of his bed. His purple stained coat and gloves were tossed over the end of the bed, and he could see the taint on his arms as the other clutched at his pillows. He felt again that weird disorientation at seeing himself there, and wondered if the other felt that way when he'd first seen him in the dingy stone basement so long ago.

On the other bed the witch sprawled, belly side down facing the window as she snuffled into her own pillows. He thought he could hear some snoring even from here.

Jesus these guys weren't even _awake_ yet! What was he even doing out here so early, he was totally going to kick Sjin's butt when he got back today.

Lalna guided the air sled down to the ground. If they were asleep, then he was going to raid their fridge. He'd left without any breakfast today, and everyone knew you couldn't work well on an empty stomach.

* * *

  
Lalna peeked around the tree, noting again Nano's movements before sitting back down in his hiding spot and peeling another orange. It was mid afternoon now and he wondered when exactly he could call it quits and go back home. These guys...well they didn't even _do_ anything. They hadn't even woken up until around noon so he'd just been sitting outside by the tree line bored out of his ever loving mind. He should at least have brought a pack of cards, he thought to himself.

He couldn't peek inside the building while they were awake, so he had no idea what copycat him was doing, although he heard a lot of machinery and sometimes a miniature explosion or two coming from underground. Nano didn't seem bothered by this, instead spending most of her time out by the circle of trees in front of her witchy hut, talking to magical rams and a black cat he'd learned was called Totoro. Must be her familiar, he assumed. Witch cats were always black, weren't they? She'd been messing around with a kettle and spinning wheel outside, doing god knows what, although she'd been carrying loads of little tiny jars in her arms back and forth to her hut. Might be potion making, or material gathering for spells. There was a whole island of magical ingredients that they'd missed the first time they'd been here, that he'd seen her fly out to multiple times during the day.

All in all...well they weren't really doing anything _dangerous_ , or even magical. Sure the witch was making potions but she wasn't _doing_ anything with them. Their armor was patchier than he remembered, and while he could see Nano's sword hanging off her waist, he hadn't seen her use it in action yet. And if Nano was planning to go out after Death and summon him, surely she'd be a little more geared up right? Lalna wasn't even sure why they were even bothering with these two, when they had much more important people to go after.

He took apart the orange slice by slice, occasionally peeking out behind the tree, but nothing changed. The sky got darker, and eventually Nano picked up her cat and flew back to the red building, just about when the sound of machines stopped inside of there as well. After a few minutes he risked using the air sled again and peeked into their windows. The suspects were just sitting on their respective beds, talking too low for him to hear. As he watched, a second black cat jumped up from the stairs, coming over to wind itself around his other self's tainted arm. Lalna frowned. Alright maybe they weren't actually familiars, there was no way _he_ was a witch. They could be just normal black cats.

Soon enough they turned out the lights and went to sleep, and Lalna took the opportunity to sneak into Nano's witch hut, peeping into the chests of items there.

"Hmm," he pulled out a few packets of string labeled ' _Tormented Twine_ ', and sniffed at a bottle called ' _Potion of the Grotesque_ '. That one had a small tag hanging off of it, and Lalna lit up the hut with a magelight to read it by something better than moonlight.

' _You better not touch this again Lalna!!! PAWS OFF!!_ '

There definitely had to be a good story behind that, he mused. He could only imagine what kind of shenanigans other him could get up to left with these kinds of magical ingredients and no experience. He yawned. But that was something to think about for later. He took a sample of each bottle and packet he found, storing them carefully in his pack for study later before putting everything back the way he found it. He vanished the magelight, plunging the hut into darkness again and left, casting the spell that would take him home.

Lalna had just barely stepped into headquarters when Sjin accosted him, grabbing onto his robes and trying to pull him in faster.

"Lalna! Oh good, I thought you'd gotten eaten, or worse!" His partner sighed in relief. "I was just about to go looking for you, and you know how I hate flying in the dark."

The blond snorted, "Come off it Sjin how would I get _eaten_? Anyway I'm here now, and oh my God I can already tell you they are a _boring_ duo."

"Come on, come on, sit down so you can tell me what you saw!" Sjin led him over to their table, attempting to push him down into a chair. "Alright, now spill. Did you see anything good?"

He groaned, sitting back. "God you have no idea. They don't do _anything_. Miss Super Dangerous Witch spent about three hours petting a cat a today, Sjin, that's what I saw. Copycat me was inside the building and I couldn't get in to see what he was doing, but it sounded like machines more than magic. Not our area of business. They didn't even wake up until around noon! I was soooo bored."

Sjin nodded solemnly, stroking his beard. "Alright so tomorrow you can go in with invisibility potions and take a look around inside. That'll be good."

Lalna groaned louder. "God, Sjin weren't you listening to anything I said? What do you mean _tomorrow_?"

"We can't be sure they're not up to something really evil if we can't see everything they're doing!" Sjin explained. "You have to go back tomorrow and see everything of what they're up to. Take some notes too while you're at it, just in case you forget something."

He shook his head wearily, pulling out his pack. "Fine, fine. Anyway I got some of the stuff that was in the witch hut so we can study them and find out what they're used for."

Sjin lit up like a Christmas tree. "Oh that's great! Come on, I was looking around while you were gone today and I found a few books in the library that talk about the witchy magic stuff, we can use those to help." He clapped his hands. "Come on, chop chop, we got work to do tonight."

'"I thought you said yesterday I had to rest up to be ready for all the spying stuff."

"And _you_ said they don't get up 'till noon. Don't be lazy Lalna, we've got plenty of midnight oil to burn."

Lalna huffed but got up, already dreading reading the tiny text of the old books. Tonight was sure to be barrels of fun.  
  



	3. Ambush!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Flux Buddies duo doesn't seem to be getting up to much and Officer Lalna's getting bored. But being bored has consequences when you start letting your attention waver...

He went back for the next few days, spying on them from morning to night and stalking the both of them to the best of his abilities. The invisibility potions let him follow them along a lot more closer than he could normally, and he was able to sneak into the labs and find out what other him was doing. Turns out other him was _incredibly_ more dangerous than he'd originally given him credit for. He peered into their crafting assembly and found a whole _horde_ of nuclear weapons being automatically assembled, from what looked like nothing more than pure cobblestone! Whatever Nano was up to, it was clear to him that the copycat was a little more than he'd bargained for. It wasn't anything magical, to be sure, so he couldn't arrest him for it, but Sjin had that Cheat Police thing going on with Sips, so if maybe he could just...leave a few cheated items in their computer...Sjin and Sips could have themselves a little raid. He'd have to talk over that with Sjin sometime later.

As far as the whole Death thing went, he couldn't see anything totally suspicious on Nano's end, but the fact that she was living with an arms dealer of nuclear weapons sure wasn't helping her case any. He kept on taking a few samples of their stuff for study, but other than that, he didn't do much of anything around their area.

So Lalna waited, and watched, took some notes, cursed himself for not bringing any cards again, and basically was extremely bored for the next week. And the more bored he got, the less careful he was...

* * *

  
"Lalna have you seen a spectral stone anywhere? With some banshees in it?" Nano was crouched on the floor, riffling through her material chests, counting the stones again for the fourth time.

Her communicator beeped and Lalna's voice came through. "Uhhh, nope. Aren't those in your hut?"

" _Yes_ , they are, but I'm missing some, I think." Nano sat back on her heels and huffed. "I was sure I made all the ones I needed to summon Death again, but now I'm like, three stones short. That's nine banshees gone, Lalna! Nine!"

"Alright, alright, do you want any help looking for them?"

Nano gave it a moment's thought. "No, that's ok, I'll just summon some more. Can you check the computer anyway though? Maybe I dumped out my stuff there on accident."

She could have almost predicted the laugh that followed. "Don't have your ipad charged up again?"

"Shut up." She shoved the communicator in her pocket, opening up another chest to pick up what she needed for the summonings. Urgh, they had taken her so long too, how could she have misplaced so many stones? Or really anything else? She'd noticed over the last few days that she had just been misplacing stuff all over the place. First it was twine, then it was clay jars and potions, now she was losing spectral stones for God's sake. Losing the product of _hours_ of hard work! She sighed, her arms full of ingredients as she went outside.

From her pocket, the communicator beeped. "Sorry Nano, not in the computer."

She fumbled around a bit before laying down all the stuff on the ground carefully and pulling the device out. "Alright, thanks anyway Lalna. I'm going to set up the force field alright?"

"Don't chop Billy in half."

Nano made a disgusted face at the chuckle that followed, rolling her eyes as she stowed the communicator away again. That Lalna... She carried her stuff over by the circle, leaving it in neat piles as she went to go turn on the force field. Making sure the rams were away, she flipped the switch, and waited as the shimmering blue dome formed around her. Everything was going fine, when she heard a hissed curse from one of the nearby trees.

" _Shit!_ "

She paused, looking around. That had sounded like Lalna, had he come to help her out? She didn't see anything initially, but after a second, her practiced eyes caught the shimmer of invisibility magic  hanging around near the edge of one of the trees by the force field. What the heck was Lalna doing with an invisibility potion? God, if he was trying to taglock her again for funsies...she thought she'd taught him what happened when he tried to pull those tricks on her, but apparently not. Well now he was trapped in here with her, and apparently he didn't have his Staff of Traveling on him if he wasn't leaving. Nano casually walked over to the chest held in the stones of the circle, pulling out one of the potions of revealing she used on the poltergeists, hiding it in her hand as she peeked over at the shimmer again.

With a loud grunt she flung it at the ground in front of him, smirking at the cry of surprise that followed. She opened her mouth to berate him triumphantly, but her  expression turned to one of shock as a red and gold robed figure appeared instead of the lab coat and goggles she expected. 

_What??_

Lalna watched in horror as he became visible under the force field, the potion breaking the effects of his earlier invisibility one; before he could panic too much about it, an enraged yell brought his attention to the witch in front of him.

" _You!_ " Nano whipped out her purple sword, teeth bared. " _What're you doing back here, you fake!_!"

"Oh shit," Lalna cursed again as she came at him with her weapon raised, and hurriedly vanished with his teleportation spell.

He didn't hear Nano's colorful cursing fill the air in his absence.

* * *

  
Lalna appeared back at police headquarters, his robes still dripping with magical brew. He stood for a minute on the walkway before his legs gave out, plopping down on the ground with his legs still shaking a little.

God, that had been too close...way too close.

He sat there feeling his breath come back slowly as his heart stopping galloping away in his chest, until Sjin peeked out of the window on the third floor, waving at him.

"Lalna! Lalna what're you doing back so early? What happened?"

He waved back weakly, shaking out the hem of his robes with his free hand. Vaguely he heard Sjin say he was coming down, and he finally stood up again as his partner came out of the front doors, face alarmed.

"Whoa, what happened? You're all splattered!" Sjin touched one of his sleeves, sniffing at his damp fingertips. "Is this a revealing brew?"

"Yeah..." Lalna took a deep breath. "She...Nano caught me somehow, splashed it all over me."

Sjin gaped. "What did she do? Are you ok?"

He waved his partner off. "Yeah, yeah, I'm ok, I came back almost instantly. She was pretty mad though, she was waving her sword at me and everything! It was so scary."

"I told you she was vicious!" Sjin gave him a worried look. "How did she catch you though, you were totally invisible! Did she have some sort of special goggles on? Some kind of magical artifact maybe?"

Lalna shook his head. "No, no I think...I think she heard me."

" _Heard you?_ "

"She was going to summon something, not, uh, not Death I don't think, she didn't seem all too worried about it, I think something small but I followed her to the circle she has in front and she turned on a force field! God, I almost got chopped in half by that thing." Lalna scowled. He didn't mention he hadn't been paying the least bit of attention until the cursed field had almost been upon him. "I may have yelled out something inappropriate on accident, and she heard me. Next thing I know she's throwing something at me and I'm visible again."

"Summoning something! Oh Lalna, that's gotta be it, it's gotta be something for that Death summoning!!" Sjin threw his hands in the air, before pointing at Lalna. "You've got to go back! You have to....have to sabotage it somehow!"

"Go back? _Go back?_ " Lalna backed up. "Sjin are you nuts, Nano _caught_ me, she had me in her sights! If we're lucky maybe they won't remember where we are so they don't come at us with a _full on nuclear assault_! Did you forget about the loads of missiles they have over there?? Because they have them Sjin! They certainly have them!"

Sjin grabbed his arms, trying to hold him steady. "Lalna, we are the _police_. We are the law! We can't let a few threats stop us, what'll happen to the safety of the people? The innocents out there who rely on us to keep them safe!"

"There are a total of twenty people around the country, Sjin, _maybe_ twenty. And we want to arrest a good half of them! Who exactly is relying on us?"

Sjin only stared at him and Lalna gave in with a loud groan, pushing him away. "Fine! Fine, I'll go back. But if get a million witch's cats set on my face, we'll all know whose idea this was."

He activated the waystone before Sjin could say anything, enjoying the frustrated look on his face before he vanished. Lalna appeared again behind his usual tree in the forest, still damp, taking a deep breath before he peeked out.

...well the force field wasn't up, which was good, he supposed, although he couldn't tell what that really meant for them. The labs had gone quiet, and Nano was no longer out by the circle. It was dead quiet. Eerie. He was debating whether or not to take another potion of invisibility when he felt a sharp pain on one of his hands.

"Ow!" Lalna whirled around, only to see a very angry Nano wiping off an arthana. She'd sliced him up! Oh God! Lalna tried to call the magic to him to teleport home, and to hell with what Sjin said, only to find an empty empty void where his spells should have been inside. What had she done to him?

" _Hush_ , you stalker fake."

Lalna looked beyond her, desperately thinking of just pushing past her and escaping via air sled until he could find out what had been done to him, when a sudden tug on his robes had him jerking forward. Nano had fisted her hand in his front, tugging him down to eye level with a force he didn't know someone so small could hold. He tried pulling away, but her hold didn't even waver. How was she so _strong_?

"Now you listen here you fake Lalna, you better start talking fast about why you're here! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't nuke you from here to kingdom come!" She shook him a little. "Come on, talk!"

He struggled as best as he could, trying to not touch her tainted arms. "I'll never confess to witches!"

Nano let him go, only to clap her hands on both sides of his face, keeping him still. He found himself half bent over, looking into her mismatched eyes, determined and fierce.

"If you don't think I'll shove a nuke so far up your bum mister you spit out radiation, you've got another thing coming! Where's your partner, where's that _jerk_ Sjin, huh? Tell me right now and maybe I _won't_ think about--...."

Lalna had never taken a good look at Nano before, too worried about contracting whatever her and the other him had been infected by, but now he could see nothing _but_ her, face flushed with anger and triumph, gaze fierce, threatening him with God knows what, some kind of painful destruction, probably, if she was still on the same tangent. She was like the world's smallest tiger, growling in his face. It was...dare he admit it...almost _cute_. She was so tiny and she was moving him around like he was light as a feather! He found his face suddenly being shaken like an 8-ball.

" _Are you even listening to me_ , you, you Lalna copy! Pay attention for Christ's sake!"

"I...I'll never talk," he protested weakly. When had he stopped struggling? "Can't make me."

A noise split the air. Nano's communicator warbled.

"Nano? Are you ok, I heard yelling. What's going on?"

Nano let go to answer it and Lalna took his chance, pushing past her and running into the forest.

"Hey come back here!"

Lalna ignored the cry, heart pounding furiously as he hopped on his air sled as fast as he could--he could hear behind him the loud flames of a jetpack starting up--and pushed it as hard as it could go, zooming out over the trees and into the afternoon sky. It seemed the air sleds were faster than whatever she had, because soon he had outdistanced her and he was alone. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, resisting the urge to land so he could take a minute to calm down. He still couldn't teleport home, but he knew where Sjin's farm was so if he could just get there safe...

He was halfway there and the sky was darkening around him when he felt his magic come back with a ' _pop_ ', and he landed on a grassy plain, holding his air sled as he attempted the home spell again. This time it worked, and he found himself standing in front of Sjin, who had seemingly not moved from where he had been earlier.

"You're back! How did it go?"

Lalna opened his mouth to tell him all about what had happened, the arthana, the strange feelings..but found himself saying nothing instead. "I..." He looked away, hiding his scabbed hand behind his back. "They had the force field up by the time I got back. I hung around but...there was nothing I could do, they'd locked me out."

"Damn!" Sjin cursed, crossing his arms. "We should have been quicker. We may have missed our chance." He thought for a second. "We have to keep on watching them. See if there's any way to bypass the force field maybe, so we can sneak in."

"Yeah," Lalna found himself agreeing faintly. "I can go back tomorrow."

"...good." Sjin looked at him a little strange, maybe wondering why he had agreed so amiably after that argument, but he let it go, moving instead toward the front doors of their magical headquarters. "Well, come let's go in, it's getting dark."

"Yes, I'm, I think I'm going to turn in early today, Sjin."

Sjin nodded. "Of course, of course. You had a rough day today. Go get some rest."  
  



	4. Indecision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get only more confusing for Officer Lalna after he's been caught, and he's not all too sure what to think now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to put up the last two chapters together now, thanks to a certain series coming to its BIG FINALE this weekend 8)

Lalna was back at it the next day, skirting around the leaf covered tree roots as he spied on the duo from afar. He had learned his lesson from yesterday, it wasn't worth getting so close right now. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to stifle a yawn. He'd spent all of last night tossing and turning, sleep so very far away from him it was almost a fantasy. He kept on thinking back on that moment, seeing the witch's face, feeling her hands on his cheeks. Lalna could almost feel them now, and he frowned as he felt his face flush.

Nano sure was... _something_ alright. Dangerous for sure.

The force field hadn't been put back up so he could see all the way in unimpeded, and he looked over at the small platform leading out from the red lab's front door. Nano and the other him had been just sitting out there for the last hour, one cat asleep on his copy's lap and the other searching for treats in Nano's hands. They looked like they were just talking, and more than once he could hear the faint edges of laughter reach him from where he sat.

He wasn't fooled, he knew that Nano knew he was hanging around again; he could see her look off in the direction of the forest he hid in a few times, although he was too far to see what kind of expression she had on her face. She didn't seem worried though, and he had no idea what she'd told the other him. Maybe she had lied to him as he had lied to Sjin. He still didn't know why he had done that. He was supposed to be looking for their weak spots, not...not wishing he'd had such nice moments talking with someone and petting cats over a riverside. She sure seemed friendly with the other him though. Not angry and threatening like she'd been with him. They had the same face, surely she could have showed a little bit more hesitation about slicing up his hand. It was so unfair.

They sure were taking their sweet time just hanging about, but Lalna didn't dare take this chance to go through their stuff again. He settled in to wait, unsure of why he felt so frustrated today.

* * *

  
He kept on going back for the next few days, to Nano's utter irritation, he could tell. The other him started hanging around Nano and her circle, and he skulked around the trees, watching the copy closely.

They didn't do more summoning, just a lot more brew making, although Lalna couldn't tell to what end. He and Sjin had been studying the stuff he'd brought back, but it was such a large amount of materials they had no clue to what end purpose Nano might use them for: magical thread for dreamweavers, bottles for vapor and redstone soup, and the hearts of creepers for brews, were only just the tip of the iceberg from all the samples they had.

Aside from the so called ' _intel_ ' from the Hat Films trio, he couldn't find any solid proof that Nano was planning to summon death, much less steal the pants off of his bony butt. It looked like she was more of a run-of-the-mill practicing witch than an evil enchantress. If he were honest with himself...it almost came as a relief.

He sat back in headquarters one night, staring at a book about witch magic that he wasn't actually paying attention to, when he took the chance and brought it up to Sjin in front of him.

"...do we have to do anything about Na--the witch?" He frowned into the book, fingers curling the edges of one of the pages.

He saw Sjin look up out of the corner of his eye, tilting his head a little bit to the side. "What d'you mean?"

The page edge ripped a little under his hands. "What if we just leave the two alone?"

There was a silence, before Sjin spoke, his voice disbelieving. " _Leave them alone_? Lalna...where did you even _get_ that idea?" He leaned over across the table, eyes hard. "They are dangerous people, and they _must_ be stopped."

Lalna didn't bothering looking up, widening the tear a little with his fingers. Sjin's fervor was already something he was used to. He shrugged. "Just asking. Lot of fuss to go through, is all."

He could hear the suspicion in Sjin's tone. "Is this because of your copycat? Lalna that's not you, it's a fake! A homunculus! Some kind of magical construct that looks like you, made for whatever godforsaken reason the witch could think of!" There was a pause. "You're not getting attached to him because he looks like you, are you?"

An image flashed in his head, of long dark hair and a wide smile directed at someone with his face. "No, I was just wondering. I can wonder, can't I?"

He could already see Sjin's eyes narrow at him, although he kept his gaze on the book. The page's edge was ragged now. "Hmm, maybe you should go to bed Lalna, I think you've been staying up too late. Sleep deprivation can do things to your brain, you know." Sjin pondered it for a second. "Maybe you should take a day off, one day at home won't hurt, I think..."

"No!" Lalna jerked his head up, going to protest before he could control himself. He shut his mouth abruptly, standing up. "No, I can do this, alright? Just...just need some sleep. I'm heading in early."

"Alright...goodnight then..." Lalna could feel Sjin's eyes on him as he headed up the ladder toward their beds.

* * *

  
"Lalnaaa," Nano called out over the wind. She groaned in frustration. "He's following us, Lalna. I can see him."

"Not a very sneaky type, is he? I would have expected better from him, I think."

"As if you're the sneaky type either." Nano grumbled lowly.

Lalna looked over at her from the hang glider. "What was that?"

"Nothing!" She beamed back. "Absolutely nothing!"

He gave her a look that said he clearly did not believe a word she said, before peering over his shoulder. "He's not doing anything, really, maybe he's not out to arrest us this time."

She resisted the urge to scream. "It's been two weeks Lalna, what in the heck does he want, then! He's obviously not bringing Sjin over, I would have seen his dumb face already, he sneaks even worse than your double, but this is getting ridiculous!" She maneuvered around to press a button and her jet pack let out another burst of rainbow flames, speeding her up; Lalna rushed to do the same and keep up. "He's been the one nicking my stuff, I just know it. I knew I hadn't lost those spectral stones! He ran off with them!"

"That wasn't very nice of him."

"Well he does look pretty much like you, he might as well act like you."

"Hey!" Lalna protested, laughing. "I don't take your stuff."

Nano chose not to answer, instead scowling into the distance ahead. "I just wanted a nice day out. Pandalabs was getting so stuffy inside."

"And we will!" Lalna soothed. "We'll catch a few bunnies, get a few creeper hearts, and it will be very relaxing, ok? I doubt he's going to do anything, he hasn't so far right?"

"I guess..." She pursed her lips skeptically.

"There you go, just forget about him." Lalna fixed his grip on the hang glider bar. "We can take him anyway, if he does."

Nano chuckled. "Well that's certainly true."


	5. Decisions, Decisions...

Lalna sat back against the maple tree, hidden in the forest. He could hear the machinery ahead of him but he kept his eyes on the ground, tearing up the fallen leaves with his hands. He knew what they were up to already. Other him was probably fixing whatever machine had gone ka-put today and Nano was in her circle, again. Messing with potions maybe, or using the circle to do whatever she had been up to the day she'd caught him, he didn't care.

He still didn't know why he hadn't told Sjin anything about that. It wasn't as if he could _now_ , Sjin would probably claim he had been indoctrinated or something else ridiculous and shove him in quarantine. Not that they had a quarantine, but that was besides the point.

Lalna hadn't been telling him about anything else either. Not the sudden increase in explosives that appeared in their computers, or the fact that the force field hadn't gone up at all. It was much easier to tell him that they were laying low, that the field was up and he couldn't get in by any means they could figure out.

He was second guessing himself a lot these past days, and he was frustrated that it was even happening. His resolve had been like steel before. But the thought of sending these two to prison now grated on his insides. They weren't _doing_ anything. How many of the others they were trying to send to jail were benevolent as well?

And the witch...Nano...Lalna tossed the crushed leaves aside, leaning back on the tree. He didn't want her in prison either. Not even if it meant having his cursed copy in a prison cell as well, for study. And really, he was more interested in seeing just _how_ his other self had managed to set up a nuclear arms line out of nothing but cobblestone rather than just destroying it all...

He didn't know how long he could lie to Sjin about this. Why did he even want to anyway? What was holding him back from spilling everything?

Lalna sighed, gathering up more leaves. He was tired of hiding.

This spying stuff had just turned into a big pain in the ass, that's what.

* * *

  
The circle was shimmering with light, and Nano took a deep breath, trying to clear her head.

"You ok, Nano?"

She breathed out slowly. "I can feel him watching us."

Lalna checked the altar's power level, shooing the cats away to a safe distance. "He doesn't seem to be getting any closer."

"But I can _feel_ him Lalna, it's so creepy to have someone stalking you like that."

The scientist chuckled. "Yeah he is kind of a little stalker isn't he? He's pretty weird. Maybe he's got a little crush on me, 'cause I'm so devilishly handsome."

"Oh shut up and get those rams out." Nano ignored Lalna's laugh, checking her ingredients again. Lalna was right. It wasn't worth worrying about that double, not when she had important things to do like summon a whole load of spirits for Death. She shook her head, trying to put it out of her mind. She had lots of work to do, and she needed to keep a clear head to make sure nothing went wrong today. Everything would have been fine really, if she hadn't looked over to the forest, and spotted the tiniest flicker of red darting behind a tree.

"Alright, _that's it!_ " Nano took a deep breath, hollering out. "IF YOU DON'T COME OUT THIS _INSTANT_ I WILL NUKE THE ENTIRE FOREST, DON'T YOU TEMPT ME!!" Beside her, Lalna jumped, accidentally catching a bird in his lasso instead of Ramsey. "YOU COME OUT _RIGHT. NOW!_ "

The forest settled into silence under her assault, and Lalna scratched his chin. "Uhh, I think that might've scared him o--" He stopped as they both saw a red figure step away from the trees, wavering silently under their gazes.

"Dear Lord you actually scared him out," Lalna snorted. She hushed him hurriedly, and put one hand on her hips, the other pointing commandingly at the ground in front of her.

There was a pause, before the other Lalna came closer slowly, feet shuffling hesitantly toward them  as he climbed the short fence awkwardly. Lalna stifled a giggle at the officer's trouble with it; robes weren't meant for climbing fences. Nano tapped her foot impatiently, and finally he was there, and she had two Lalna's in front of her.

Her Lalna waved to the other one. "Hi."

"Uh...hi." The other repeated, eyes flicking back and forth from her friend to herself. She crossed her arms.

"Alright here's the deal, you want to spy on us? Fine, but you better do it where I can see you, you creep. You're going to drive me nuts if you keep on hiding right out of sight, you _suck_ at hiding." She shoved a flint and steel at him. "Here, make yourself useful."

He gaped at her and she rolled her eyes, turning to her Lalna. "Help him will you? I think his brain's frozen over." She stalked over to her circle, flipping on the force field.

The robed Lalna jumped a little as the dome formed, looking a little nervous. This had been a terrible idea. "I...I don't know why I came out here." He muttered, and glared at his fluxxed copy when he laughed.

"Yeah, Nano can do that to people." He led him over to some of the trees. "You can help with the brazier."

"With the _what?_ "

"Are you two ready over there?" Nano called out. She had laid down the ingredients in the circle, waiting for the summoning. She held a familiar potion in her hand, and the robed Lalna was suddenly glad he wasn't invisible today.

"What is she going to do?" He muttered, but apparently Nano heard him, because she scowled fiercely.

"I'm going to summon some poltergeists! Because _someone_ couldn't keep their hands off my stuff!" 

He flushed, and she shook her head at him, turning to nod at her Lalna. The tainted Lalna poured out some bottles into the small bowl, and stood back, gesturing for the other one to come forward.

The other Lalna approached hesitantly, watching them both before flicking the flint and tinder over the mixed ingredients. Instantly it caught aflame, and a heavy sparkling white fog dripped from it, collecting on the ground and circling his feet. He could never tell Sjin about this. He would have to take this to his _grave_ ; somehow that was fine with him. He was good at keeping secrets. Lalna peered around to see what they had summoned, but the circle was empty and silent. He raised his eyebrows at his copy, but the damned thing just winked at him.

"Get ready to see some _real_ magic," he whispered to him, pointing to Nano.

Lalna turned obediently, and was surprised to see her staring intently at the opposite side of the circle, away from all of them. Without a word she tossed the potion in her hand and a large green _thing_ appeared from nowhere, tall and thin and monstrous. How had she even seen it? He reared back but Nano was already raising her hands, saying something unintelligible to him. There was a loud roar, and the spirit thing vanished in a puff of fog and smoke, along with most of the ingredients on the circle. Only a large shimmering stone lay in its place, and Lalna recognized the look alike of the spectral stones he had stolen from her witch hut long ago. She had caught it so easily! They had accidentally set one loose in headquarters before they'd realized what the stone were for, and it had taken them _hours_ to banish the thing to its dimension, and not before it had utterly ruined an entire floor of their house.

That fluxxed Lalna sure hadn't been kidding when he'd said he was going to see some magic happen.

Nano skipped over happily, handing it to her friend. "Ta daaaah! One done, four to go. We'll get done with this in no time." She beamed. "And then we can finally summon Death again."

Lalna choked. " _Again??_ "

"Oh yeah, I killed him ages ago. Look, I got this cool sword from him." She pulled a weapon out of her pack and out of its sheath; the blue blade glowed wickedly in the afternoon light. That was _definitely_ illegal. And to think, they'd been too late from day one! Not only had she done the deed, but she'd lived and gotten Death's _sword_! And she hadn't even done anything with it! What was _up_ with these two?

She looked at it critically. "It's only his backup sword though. I'd like his hood or robes next, I think." She sheathed it again, stowing it away before looking up at him suspiciously. "Now are you going to help or what? You can't just hang around here and not do some work."

"I..."

He looked over to his double, who was giving him an all-too knowing grin. God damn his double. He sighed at himself. He knew what his answer would have been the minute he had stepped out of hiding at Nano's command. Whatever happened, he wouldn't let Sjin get them. Even if it meant telling lies for the rest of his days, he would make sure this stayed far away from Asskabang. All that could wait, it wasn't going anywhere. This here, this was much more interesting.

"Alright. Tell me what I have to do."

Nano grinned. "That's more like it."


End file.
